Illustration of the Twitter bird holding a sign that reads "Follow Me!"
credit: Slava Murava Kiss/ Flickr

I follow myself on Twitter
To find out what shall I wear
Sometimes it gets so confusing
I just look in the mirror and stare.
I arrived at work just in time
Finding out I left my shoes behind.
My Twitter feed said I was only wearing socks
So you could imagine all my co-workers’ shock.
I follow myself on Twitter
To find out what I’m having for dinner
It always zaps my appetite
No wonder I’m getting thinner!
I sure would like to have had that filet mignon
But it’s hard to eat while texting on the phone
That’s how my dog jumped on the table
And ate it all, now all I have left is a bone.
I follow myself on Twitter
Just to find out where I am
Sometimes I’m not where I’m supposed to be
So I just don’t give a damn!
I ended up on the X-2 bus
When I should’ve been on the blue line
If I could just close my Twitter account
I think I’d be just fine!